I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
