i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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