I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
