how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
