Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
