i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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