somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
