And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
