You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im part way to drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
