Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize