I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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