His hands were made for my vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
