which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
