My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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