ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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