The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize