was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
