sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
