dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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