conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
