U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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