Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
