when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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