My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
