the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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