Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
