He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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