You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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