Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
