you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
