Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
