we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
