rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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