We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
