i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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