How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
