An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
