Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
