My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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