In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
