Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
