I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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