He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
