i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
