my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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