So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
