OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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