Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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