I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
