he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
