is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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