He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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