I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
