Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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