do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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