I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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