grandma shit on top of the toilet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
