We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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