That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is not my ceiling
farters have to be the big spoon...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
