So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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