And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need moral support for this bender
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
