ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
