God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
