i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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