My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
