so that wasnt chicken after all
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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