i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
