Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
