Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
