Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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