what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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